Who Is A Cuckold?

Some people on social media use the term ‘dayooth’ ‘ديوث’ (cuckold) very loosely and apply it on brothers who allow their womenfolk to have their picture on social media, even if they wear the Islamic Hijab.

Some apply it on men who allow their women to have a mobile phone, or even watch TV, etc.

This is wrong!

Ibn Qudamah Hanbali writes:
وإن قال لرجل يا ديوث فقال احمد يعزر
“If someone says to a man: “O dayooth (cuckold)”,
Imam Ahmad ruled: he should receive disciplinary punishment (ta’zir).”
[“Al-Mughni”, 10/214].

A ‘ديوث’ (cuckold) is someone who has no ‘protective jealousy’ (الغيرة) at all for his wife and allows his wife to have sex with other men. It’s someone who intimately shares his wife with other men and takes pleasure out of them using her to fulfil their sexual needs.

Ibn Hajar al-Haythami counted ‘الدياثة’ among the major sins:
قال ابن حجر الهيتمي: ” الكبيرة الثانية والثمانون والثالثة والثمانون بعد المائتين : الدياثة والقيادة بين الرجال والنساء” انتهى من “الزواجر عن اقتراف الكبائر” (2/ 346).

It is a very serious allegation!

Imam al-Munawi ash-Shafi’ii says:
‏(‏والديوث‏)‏ بمثلثة وهو الذي ‏(‏يقر في أهله‏)‏ أي زوجته أو سريته وقد يشمل الأقارب أيضاً ‏(‏الخبث‏)‏ يعني الزنا بأن لا يغار عليهم
“The cuckold (ديوث) is the one who allows upon his womenfolk indecency, meaning Zina, by having no protective jealousy towards them.”
[“Faidh al-Qadir”, 3/319].

It says in “Hashiyat al-Khalwati”, (6/257):
الديوثُ هو: يرى زوجته تزني، ويُقِرُّها عليه، ولا يفارقها
“A cuckold is a person who watches his wife fornicate and he affirms it and doesn’t separate her.”

[edit: This is the agreed upon definition. If someone wants to go with a “broader” definition – let them go by that but apply it on themselves. Other people are not obliged to adhere to their opinions. People can go with other definitions of other scholars without blame.]

There are some stern warnings against it in Ahadith:

1- The Prophet said:
ثَلاَثَةٌ لاَ يَنْظُرُ اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ إِلَيْهِمْ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ الْعَاقُّ لِوَالِدَيْهِ وَالْمَرْأَةُ الْمُتَرَجِّلَةُ وَالدَّيُّوثُ
“There are three at whom Allah will not look on the Day of Resurrection: The one who disobeys his parents, the woman who imitates men in her outward appearance, and the cuckold.”
[“Sunan an-Nasa’i”, 2562].
https://sunnah.com/nasai:2562

2- The Prophet is reported to have said that Paradise is forbidden for:
ثَلَاثَةٌ قَدْ حَرَّمَ اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِمُ الْجَنَّةَ: مُدْمِنُ الْخَمْرِ وَالْعَاقُّ وَالدَّيُّوثُ الَّذِي يُقِرُّ فِي أَهْلِهِ الْخَبَثَ
“… a cuckold who agrees to his women-folk’s adultery.”
[“Mishkat al-Masabih”, 3655].
https://sunnah.com/mishkat:3655

The pre-Islamic moshrik Arabs of Jahiliyah valued lineage and hence had a very strong sense of (‘protective jelousy’ ‘الغيرة)… it was actually very extreme, that’s why they buried their baby daughters alive, because they will grow up; and these jahili Arabs didn’t want men of other tribes to take their daughters after war and make their daughters pregnant with their seed.

This is how a girl could bring “shame” upon the tribe – according to their logic.

The concept of ‘protective jealousy’ ‘الغيرة’ already existed: Revelation came to bring balance and channel this behaviour.

So, people should be balanced and very careful with making such accusations, because its sinful and people’s honour has sanctity.

Being a ‘cuckold’ is a major sin, don’t apply it lightly!!

NOTE:

I’m personally against images of women on social media, because there are all sorts of sick people online, who photoshop pictures and then post them on indecent websites, blackmailing family members, etc.

That’s wrong in my opinion, however, that does not mean it is OK to call someone a ‘ديوث’ (cuckold), for the reasons mentioned above.

That’s a different thing.