Limits Of Obedience

Limits of Obedience – حدود طاعة

1- Ibn Nujaym al-Hanafi wrote 500 years ago:

لأن المرأة لا يجب عليها طاعة الزوج في كل ما يأمر به، إنما ذلك فيما يرجع إلى النكاح وتوابعه خصوصاً إذا كان في أمره إضرار بها
“It is NOT obligatory on the wife to obey her husband in everything that he commands her to do.
The obligation to obey is only in relation to things that go back to the marriage and what is related to that.
She especially [does not have to obey him] when his command entails harming her.”

[“Al-Baḥr al-Rā’iq”, 5/78].

2- And he also said she can disobey her husband if he forbids her from visiting her sick parents:

ولو كان أبوها زمِنا مثلا ، وهو يحتاج إلى خدمتها ، والزوج يمنعها من تعاهده ، فعليها أن تعصيه ، مسلما كان الأب أو كافرا , كذا في فتح القدير .
وقد استفيد مما ذكرناه أن لها الخروج إلى زيارة الأبوين والمحارم ، فعلى الصحيح المُفتى به : تخرج للوالدين في كل جمعة بإذنه وبغير إذنه ، ولزيارة المحارم في كل سنة مرة بإذنه وبغير إذنه
“If her father is chronically ill, for example, and he needs her to serve him, and the husband prevents her from looking after him, then SHE SHOULD DISOBEY HIM, whether the father is a Muslim or a disbeliever.
From what we have mentioned it may be understood that she may go out to visit her parents and mahrams, and according to the correct view she may go out to visit her parents once a week WITH OR WITHOUT HIS PERMISSION, and to visit her mahrams once a year WITH OR WITHOUT HIS PERMISSION.”

[“Al-Bahr al-Raa’iq”, 4/212].

3- Similarly, Al-Munaawi ash-Shafi’ii said 400 years ago, about a sons obedience to his father:

وهذا ما لم يكن الوالد فيما يرومه خارجاً عن سبيل المتقين ، وإلا فرضى الرب في هذه الحالة في مخالفته
“This applies so long as the father is not drifting away from the path of piety, otherwise pleasing the Lord is done by going against the father’s orders.”

[“Fayd al-Qadeer”, 4/33].

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FEMINSTS vs MYSOGYNISTS

Islam is a balanced religion , between the two extremes.
Man is the head of the house.
He is the guardian & protector of the family.
The family should obey him in goodness.
This obedience is not a form of oppression, contrary to what the feminists claim.
But this obedience is also not UNRESTRICTED & UNCONDITIONAL as some misogynist macho-men believe.
There are some bad men, who abuse their authority.
They treat their family like slaves & servants.
The worst thing is, these oppressive husbands and fathers then blackmail their family into thinking that they will be sinful if they disobey him.
This is not the case.
If a man told his wife to SELL HER HOUSE or if he told his children: “Stand on 1 foot for an hour” – this does not become an obligation on them.
They do not become sinful by disobeying him in this.
This type of controlling behaviour is also very unhealthy.
If he told them to pray Tahajjud or read the Qur’an every day – these things do not become obligations on them.
They do not sin by disobeing him in these matters.
Especially, if he commanded them to commit a sin.
They have to disobey him in these type of situations.

Allaahu A’alam