Shaking Hands With The Opposite Gender

Shaking Hands with Opposite Gender – المصافحة

Short Answer:

It is NOT allowed to shake hands with a stranger from the opposite gender because even a simple touch can trigger feelings of attachment and provoke forbidden desires.

If it involves lust (الشهوة) or if there is fear of temptations (الفتنة), it is FORBIDDEN (حرام) by agreement.

That is the original ruling.

An EXCEPTION to this rule could be when there is a need for it and it’s free from Lust/Desires/Temptations – then its allowed according to many scholars.

But there is no EXPLICIT Ayah or Hadith that says: shaking hands with the opposite gender is forbidden.

Long answer:

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1- The Prophet said:

إِنِّي لاَ أُصَافِحُ النِّسَاءَ
“I do not shake hands with women.”

[“Ibn Majah”, 122 – صحيح ].

NOTE: This in itself does not proof a prohibition (لا يدل على التحريم), because the Prophet also abstained from eating GARLIC, ONIONS etc. (و قد امتنع عن أكل الثوم و البصل) – but they are not forbidden. [ترك الشىء لا يدل على حرمته].

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2- Aishah said:

وَمَا مَسَّتْ يَدُ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَدَ امْرَأَةٍ، إِلاَّ امْرَأَةً يَمْلِكُهَا‏
“The hand of the Prophet never touched the hand of any woman except a woman he owned.”

[“Sahih Bukhari”, 7214].

NOTE: As above.

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3- Anas Ibn Malik said:

إِنْ كَانَتِ الأَمَةُ مِنْ أَهْلِ الْمَدِينَةِ لَتَأْخُذُ بِيَدِ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ فَمَا يَنْزِعُ يَدَهُ مِنْ يَدِهَا حَتَّى تَذْهَبَ بِهِ حَيْثُ شَاءَتْ مِنَ الْمَدِينَةِ فِي حَاجَتِهَا
“If a female slave among the people of Al-Madinah were to take the hand of the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ), he would not take his hand away from hers until she had taken him wherever she wanted in Al-Madinah so that her needs may be met.”

[“Ibn Majah”, 4177 – صحيح ].

NOTE: This indicates a permissibility, not a prohibition – if taken literally.

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4- The Prophet is reported to have said:

لأن يطعن في رأس أحدكم بمخيط من حديد، خير له من أن يمس امرأة لا تحل له
“For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than that he should touch a woman who is not permissible for him.”

[Narrated by ‘Al-Bayhaqi’ (5455) & ‘Al-Tabarani’, (486) – both chains containing weakness – و هذا الحديث ضعيف.].

NOTE: This is not authentic, but even if it was authentic: ‘touch مس’ means sexual intercourse, as when Maryam said: “How can I have a son when no man has touched me?” [Qur’an 3:47 – also see: 4:43 – 5:6 – 2:236]. It is not just any touch.

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5- The Prophet said:

وَالْيَدُ زِنَاهَا الْبَطْشُ
“The adultery of the hand is the [lustful] grip.”

[“Sahih Muslim”, 2658].

NOTE: This is forbidden by agreement, if with lust.

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THE OPINION OF THE 4 MADHABS

The Hanafis say: Shaking hands with a young person from the other gender is forbidden, whether its WITH or WITHOUT desires, because safety from temptation cannot be guaranteed. But if its with an elderly person and its free from desires and temptations – it is fine.

The Malikis say: Shakings hands with the opposite gender is totally forbidden, regardless if its WITH or WITHOUT desires, whether someone is OLD or YOUNG.

The Shafi’iis say: Shakings hands with the opposite gender is totally forbidden, except if its behind a BARRIER and there is no fear of TEMPTATION.

The Hanbalis have 3 opinions on this: Total prohibition, Total discouragement & the third opinion is that if its with elderly its OK, if its with young men/women, its not allowed.

I’ll quote some of these opinions:

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1- Ibn Nujaym Hanafi says “Al-Bahr al-Raiq”, (8/219):

فإذا كان شيخًا يأمن على نفسه وعليها، يحلّ له المصافحة، وإن كان لا يأمن عليها ولا على نفسه لا تحلّ له مصافحتها، لما فيه من التّعريض للفتنة
“If he is an old man who does not fear temptation for himself and her, it is permissible for him to shake hands. If he does not feel safe from temptation for himself or her, then it is not permissible to shake hands, because it creates exposure to temptation.”

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2- Al-Kasani Hanafi says “Badai’ al-Sanai'”, (4/295):

فإن كانا شيخين كبيرين، فلا بأس بالمصافحة، لخروج المصافحة منهما من أن تكون مورثة للشهوة، لانعدام الشهوة
“If they are elderly, there is no harm in shaking hands, because shaking hands with them will not lead to lust/desire.”

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3- Al-Razi Hanafi says “Tuhfah al-Muluk”, (1/230):

إلا من عجوز لا تشتهى فتحل المصافحة ونحوها، وكذا لو كان شيخا وأمن عليه وعليها، فإن خاف عليها حرم
“Except if its an elderly and the likes, who is free from desires/lust. Similarly, if its an old man and temptations are not feared for her and him. However, if this fear exists, then it is forbidden.”

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4- Al-Samarqandi Hanafi says “Tuhfah al-Fuqaha”, (3/333):

فإن كانت عجوزا، فلا بأس بالمصافحة إن كان غالب رأيه أنه لا يشتهي، ولا تحل المصافحة إن كانت تشتهي وإن كان الرجل لا يشتهي
“If she is an old woman, there is no issue with shaking hands with her, if it is most likely that there will be no desires/lust involved. It will not be permissible to shake hands, even if desired will be provoked in the woman and the man does not.”

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5- In the Hanafi work “Majma’ al-Anhar”, (8/171):

( ولا يجوز مس ذلك ) أي الوجه والكفين . ( وإن أمن ) الشهوة ( إن كانت ) المرأة ( شابة ) ولأن اللمس أغلظ من النظر لأن الشهوة فيه أكثر ( ويجوز ) مسه ( إن ) كانت ( عجوزا لا تشتهى ) لانعدام خوف الفتنة
“(And it is not permissible to touch it), meaning the face and hands. (Even when there is no fear), meanig of tempoation. (If it is a woman), meaning a young one. Because touching is more provocative than looking and there is more lust/desire involved in it. (And it is permisible) meaning to touch. (If she is an old woman free from desires), because there is no fear of temptation.”

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6- Al-Ruhaybani Hanbali in “Matalib Uli al-Nuha”, (1/942):

وحرم مصافحة امرأة أجنبية شابة، أي: حسناء، لأنها شر من النظر إليها، أما العجوز غير الحسناء فللرجل مصافحتها، لعدم المحظور
“And it is forbidden to shake hands with a stranger woman”, meaning: the beautiful one, because shakings hands is worse than just looking at her. As for the elderly woman who is not beautiful, it is for men to shake their hands.”

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7- Al-Hijawi Hanbali says in “Al-Iqnaa”, (3/156):

ويجوز أخذ يد عجوز
“And it is permissible to take the hand of an elderly.”

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8- Al-Mardaawi Hanbali says in ‘Al-Insaaf’, (8/31):

وجوز الإمام أحمد ـ رحمه الله ـ أخذ يد عجوز، وفي الرعاية وشوهاء.
“Imam Ahmad, may God have mercy on him, allowed taking the hand of an elderly woman. And in “Ri’aayah”: the unattractive one.”

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9- Al-Bujairimi Shafi’ii in his ‘Hashiyah’, (10/113):

قوله: (وتسن مصافحة) أي عند اتحاد الجنس، فإن اختلف فإن كانت محرمية أو زوجية أو مع صغير لا يشتهى أو مع كبير بحائل جازت من غير شهوة ولا فتنة
“And his statement: “It is Sunnah to shake hands”, this means if it happens with the same gender. If its with the opposite gender, then its allowed if its done with a mahram, or a spouse, or a child that has no desires, or with an elderly when there is a barrier in place. This is if there is no desires and temptation involved.”

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10- In the Shafi’ii Fiqh manual also “Nihayat al-Muhtaj”, (3/188):

وأُخِذَ منه حِلُّ مصافحة الأجنبية مع ذينك (الحائل وأمن الفتنة)
“From this, it can be taken that it is permissible to shake hands with a stranger, if these two conditions are met (a barrier and absence of temptation).”

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THE OPINION OF IBRAHIM AL-NAKHA’II

Abu Nu’ayim narrated with an authentic chain:

حدثنا ابراهيم بن عبدالله، ثنا محمد بن إسحاق، ثنا قتيبة بن سعيد، ثنا جرير، عن منصور، عن إبراهيم (النخعي) قال: “لقيتني امرأة فأردت أن أصافحها فجعلت على يدي ثوبا، فكشفت قناعها فاذا امرأة من الحي قد اكتهلت، فصافحتها وليس على يدي شيء”.
Ibrahim al-Nakha’ii said: “I met a woman. I wanted to shake her hand so I placed a cloth over my hand. She took off her face covering (so I would recognize her). It was a middle-aged woman from our circle. I then shook her hand and there was nothing between our hands.”

[“Hilyah al-Awliyaa”, 4/228 – اسناده صحيح ].

NOTE: Ibrahim al-Nakha’ii was a major Imam of the Salaf and a great jurist of Iraq. He had his own Madhab which died out.

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CONCLUSION:

There is no explicit text which prohibits shaking hands with the opposite gender, but it is forbidden because it could lead to evil.

This is the original ruling.

Muslims should always try to avoid shaking hands with the opposite gender – whenever possible.

There are exceptions to this rule, like the example of the elderly, when there is no lust/temptation.

Refusing to shake hands with the opposite gender is a sign of disrespect in the West. It is considered rude. Muslims in the West get perceived as uncultured, lose citizenships, lose job opportunities, if they don’t shake hands in certain situations.

If it puts people in these type of awkward situations, then many scholars allowed shaking hands, because the reason for the prohibition (علة التحريم) was temptation, and that is absent in many of these scenarios, just like it is absent in the case of elderly people.

[FATAWA ARE IN COMMENTS SECTION]

This is the job of the jurist.

The jurist is not a parrot.

The jurist is not frozen in time.

The jurist looks at new situations, then formulates a solution in light of PRINCIPLES laid down by the jurists of the past.

The REASON why scholars allowed shaking hands with the elderly is NOT because they are elderly – it is BECAUSE there is NO LUST.

Similarly, in situations like job-interviews – there is NO LUST, its just formalities – so it is like the situation of the elderly.

But this should not become the rule, this is an exception to the rule.

And if there is fear of temptation, it is forbidden at all times.

Allaahu A’alam